The Duncan Banner


June 10, 2012

Slob or not a slob? Here’s how you know

DUNCAN — People who’ve known me a long time often mention The Most Interesting Man in the World in those Dos Equis beer commercials bares an uncanny resemblance to ol’ moi.

Sure, character actor Jonathan Goldsmith has a beard and I don’t. And all right, Goldsmith has impeccable taste in clothing, an eloquent voice and beautiful women hanging on him all the time. But other than that, when it comes to setting a standard of male sophistication, The Most Interesting Man in the World is a carbon copy of ... and I blush saying this ... me.

(Let me take a break here, so Karen can roll her eyes back to the front of her head and recover from the vapors!)

One other thing I share with The Most Interesting Man in the World is neither of us would ever be considered a slob. Which leads me into the question for today: Do slobs know they’re slobs?

The American Heritage Dictionary of the English language defines a “slob” as: A person regarded as slovenly, crude or obnoxious.

It seems like we’re surrounded by a lot of people who fit that definition these days; folks who apparently don’t know the basics of civility or how to avoid behaving like a cretin in public.

And I suspect a lack of education has created these boorish behaviors.

So, I’ve come up with a little quiz to determine if you’ve patterned yourself after The Most Interesting Man (or Woman) in the World, or whether your role model is Homer Simpson or a young Roseanne Barr.

1. Your cell phone goes off in a public place, so you answer and say ...

A. “Let me call you back.”

B. “Yeah, I can talk! I’m just shopping for some ... wait a sec ... Hey, you work here? Is this toilet paper on sale?”


2. The best place to trim your fingernails is ...

A. At home.

B. In an unassuming place, like at your desk at work or during a sermon at church or when having lunch with your matron aunt.

C. Anywhere you dang please, as long as you can get your finger up to you teeth.

3. You’ve unloaded the contents of a shopping cart into the car. What do you do with the cart?

A. Push it into the nearest cart rack, even if you have to walk more than 5 feet.

B. Push it up against the car next to yours.

C. Pull out of the front of the parking spot, leaving the cart blocking the back of the space.

4. You accidentally dial a wrong number, so you ...

A. Apologize and hang up.

B. Mumble “wrong number” and hang up.

C. Cuss out the elderly man who had the audacity to answer the phone, and then you slam down the receiver as though that guy had the wrong number.

5. After going through the drive-up, the wrapper from a double cheeseburger goes ...

A. In the trash bag you keep discretely stashed under the passenger’s side seat.

B. On the floorboard of your car.

C. Out the window. (“They pay people at fast food joints to pick up trash, right?”)

6. A yellow light at a busy intersection means ...

A. Stop if at all possible.

B. Beat it if at all possible.

C. Yellow, red, whatever. (“Hey, lady, you just broadsided my ’75 Pinto!”)

7. You’re approaching the “10 Items or Less” lane at the grocery and you’ve got 16 things, so you think ...

A. I’ll find another lane.

B. Well, they don’t really mean just 10 items.

C. Huh? What limit? I’m in a hurry here! There’s a Jackass marathon starting in 20 minutes. And, hey, dude, ring up the dog chow and panty liners separately, will ya? They’re for my mom.

Now, here’s the scoring.

Answered A to all the above: Your parents are proud of your upbringing.

Answered A or B to all the above: There’s hope for you and the rest of us.

Answered B to all the above: Enroll in etiquette classes as soon as possible.

Answered C to all the above: You’re a certified s-l-o-b, and will never be confused for The Most Interesting Man (or Woman) in the World.

580-255-5354, Ext. 172

Text Only
  • Governor, state Legislature have misplaced priorities

    If the Oklahoma State Legislators and our Governor spent less time interfering in women’s rights to manage their bodies, creating ways to lay more taxes and fees on the middle class in order to generate more tax breaks which benefit only the wealthy while also conceiving methods with which to fill Oklahoma’s for-profit prisons, they would be doing all of us a favor. Instead, why not work to enhance funding for our schools and wage increases for all school employees? While reforming the state’s educational budget, why don’t they approve wage increases for our Oklahoma State Troopers and enlarge their Academy to insure qualified individuals are ready to fill the upcoming vacancies as many of the older force retire?

    April 9, 2014

  • Self government key to keeping politicians in check

    Last week, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that federal campaign laws that limit the total amount of money donors can give to political parties, committees and candidates for federal office (U.S. House, Senate, and President) was unconstitutional. The ruling will not increase the current $2,600 limit on how much a donor can give to a federal candidate in each primary and general election or the $32,400 limit that can go to a national party committee. Those limits are still in place.  The ruling will instead remove the limit on how many candidates/committees to which a donor can contribute.

    April 9, 2014

  • Legislative goals crucial to priorities in education

    I am a member of several professional organizations where I attend regular meetings, network with colleagues, and stay abreast and informed on education best practices.  The Cooperative Council for Oklahoma School Administration, better known as CCOSA, is a nonprofit organization that establishes close and continuous communication and cooperation between educators, taxpayers, and legislators to improve the effectiveness of professional school administrators and to communicate the needs of schools. Attendance this time of year is especially critical because legislators are in session.

    March 28, 2014

  • An impressive ranking that could be better

    That Duncan was named one of the best 15 communities in Oklahoma by Movoto, a national Real Estate company, is news worth celebrating.
    Of 43 places with population of 10,000 or more, as determined by the U.S. Census data, Duncan finished 15th. Norman was first, Edmond second, Yukon and Moore tied for third and Bethany was fifth.

    March 9, 2014

  • Kids shouldn’t have to pay for having punster parents

    Friends and neighbors, I’ve been cloistered in my Thought Chamber for the past few days, contemplating many high-brow philosophies and haughty hypothesis that we who think on a different level use to exercise our finely-tuned minds and remain intellectually superior to the Great Unwashed.
    As you see, the time alone has been intellectually beneficial. I just composed an opening sentence (what we in the journalism dodge call a “lead”) that’s 46 words long.

    March 9, 2014

  • The blissful serenity of No-TV Land

    Life without TV is possible. Maybe you should try it. I did. It’s a do-able thing, I tell you. I’m still here, no worse the wear, no oozing wounds, no serious loss of brainwave activity except for the slow, inexorable downhill decline that already started when TV viewing was a daily occurrence.

    Granted, two months without the tube is quite likely not a scientifically acceptable sample from which is to hold forth. But it’s the best I can do, so deal with it.

    March 9, 2014

  • Cooper’s message is to remain active

    Dr. Kenneth Cooper, the Dallas physician who coined the phrase “aerobics” more than four decades ago, who has become a world leader in physical fitness and who has saved, literally, thousands of lives by promoting the value of an active lifestyle, shared his philosophy of life here last week.

    March 9, 2014

  • Time to take the “B” out of the “Three R’s”

    Our young folks are hitting the stretch drive toward the end of another school year, during which they’ve been taught “Three R’s”, which are not really “r’s” at all.
    In case you missed it, reading is the only one of the “Three R’s” that actually begins with the letter “r.” Writing starts with a “w” and arithmetic begins with the letter “a.” There are two reasons we drop the “w” from “writing” and the “a” from “arithmetic”: 1. For poetic flow in the age-old saying; and, 2. many people have a secret yen to talk like the Beverly Hillbillies.

    February 23, 2014

  • Thank you for lettin’ me be myself again

    Friends and neighbors, hope I don’t sound like the biggest egomaniac since Donald Trump, but you know, I am the most interesting person I’ve ever known.
    Forgive me if — on first blush — that sounds like the most totally self-aggrandizing statement you’ve ever heard. And if you’ve headed to the restroom to express an editorial opinion about the statement above, I’ll stop for a couple minutes.

    February 15, 2014

  • Buzz misfired in Vanity Fair body slam of Duncan

    As the new kid in town, I’m reluctant to leap atop the ramparts to defend the honor of Duncan, Okla., my new adopted hometown.
    But to heck with that. When an out-of-towner comes into your house and soils your rug, it’s on.
    I speak, of course, about the article in Vanity Fair magazine about Duncan and the  killing last year of Chris Lane, the Australian who was gunned down in August.

    January 24, 2014